Separating is hard, tough on adults and sometimes even more difficult for children. It might be helpful if you can:

  • Accept that your ex-partner is still a parent and has an important role in your child’s life and it’s best to try shared parenting as long as it is safe.
  • If you can’t agree and end up going to court, the judge will look to try to involve both parents in the child’s life, with a shared parenting arrangement that is best for the child.
  • The judge will also expect you and your partner to think about how family mediation could help.


Shared parenting is a collaborative arrangement after divorce or separation in which both parents have the right and responsibility of being actively involved in the raising of their child or children.

  • Try to remain focused on the needs of your child rather than your ‘right’ as a parent.
  • A parenting_plan can be a useful tool to help you focus on the needs of your child and give you the opportunity to think through their needs.
  • Focus on building a business-like relationship with your former partner when making arrangements for the children.  A family mediator can help you with this.
  • Don’t have adult discussions in front of the children, particularly if you are finding it hard to agree.


Where can I go next?